Infertility and Infidelity

My co-worker Jane always has stories about her crazy, dysfunctional family. Today she told us one about her uncle.

Uncle and his wife had trouble conceiving a child, due to some fertility problems. The whole family knew the particulars of that particular problem because during Thanksgiving dinner, Uncle announced to everyone that he had a low sperm count.

Some time afterwards, he and his wife adopted a baby girl. A month later, his wife got pregnant. Some people thought, "Gee, doesn't it always happen that way?" However, Grandpa (Uncle's father) was suspicious. (Jane described Grandpa as "having a little more sense" and "being heavily armed.")

While his son was at work, Grandpa took his guns over to his daughter-in-law's home, and caught her with two men from the truck stop.

Grandpa chased off the other men, and wasted no time telling everyone that the bun in the oven did not belong to his son.

Poor Uncle now had two kids that he was not biologically related to. He divorced his wife, gave his adopted daughter to his mother to raise, then proceeded to "shack up with a succession of truck stop waitresses," according to Jane.

At the current time, Uncle plans to marry a nice woman who wants a Catholic wedding. This means Uncle is trying to get his first marriage annulled by the Church.

As part of the application for annulment, 7 family members have to fill out a 8-10 page questionnaire that asks for very personal details of Uncle's relationship(s).

Jane's mother is filling out one of the questionnaires, and keeps calling her to say, "You won't believe what they're asking now!"