How Not to Gain Entry

One morning I woke up and opened the blinds of my second-story bedroom window. A man was standing outside, staring up at me.

I closed the blinds.

Later, as I was sitting in the kitchen, a ladder suddenly appeared on the side of the house, propped against the roofing over the porch. (Note: I was renting in a building populated by other people. If it were my home and I was therefore sure the ladder had no legitimate business of being there I would have called the police immediately).

I realized that if someone were to try to come in through my kitchen window they would have to awkardly crawl along the sloped roof, reach towards my window while balancing on the rain gutter, then get their hands broken when I slammed the heavy window shut. I was not entirely suprised when the same man from before appear at the top of the ladder. Still, I made note of the frying pans and giant knives I had within easy reach.

"Hi," he said. "I'm the handyman. Can you let me in downstairs?"

"No."

I made sure all windows were closed and locked. Then I put two locked doors between myself and the kitchen and called my landlord.

He didn't pick up the phone so I left a message asking if he had sent anyone over to fix anything.

I resolved myself to being late for work because I had no intention of leaving my apartment while the handyman lurked outside.

A while later the landlord called. "Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you before. I did send someone over."

"I see. What is he here to fix?"

"He's going to work on the roof."

"Okay, then I don't need to let him inside."


Note to landlords: Let your tenants have advance notice when you or a representative will show up.

Note to tenants: If you don't know them or you're not expecting them, don't let them in, regardless of who they say they are.

Note to creepy handymen: Knock on the front door like normal people.