Don't Put That in Your Mouth!

I have a friend who has been a bit evasive about letting me meet his girlfriend, despite the fact that we have been friends for many, many years.

Actually, I think that may be the reason he won't let me see her. He's afraid I'll tell her about all the weird disgusting things he did as a kid.

For example, he had his front tooth knocked out in an accident and wore a fake one as a cosmetic coverup. One time we were walking in the city and the tooth popped out of his mouth and fell on the ground.

He picked it up and PUT IT BACK INTO HIS MOUTH.

Egads, are you so vain you cannot survive without the tooth until we get to a water fountain?

So hey Girlfriend, let me tell you about the guy you regularly kiss: One time he picked up something from a sidewalk a homeless man probably peed on, and put it in his mouth.