Take Your Furball and Shove It

Dear Cat Lover,

Please stop giving me death stares when I refuse to pet your mangy kitty. It doesn't mean that I dislike you or that I'm a terrible person. It just means I don't want to be clawed by a miniature tiger.

I prefer dogs. They make good companion animals. Dogs will love you. Cats say, "Oh all right. I'll pretend to like you if you keep feeding me."

If you die alone in your apartment your cat will eat you. Dogs will eat you too, if they're desperate and have howled and mourned you for a couple days. Your cat will think, "That big two-legged moron forgot to put food in my dish. Oh well, that cheek meat looks kinda tender."

Remember this the next time your cat looks at you funny.

Love,
Snarky