Grim Reality: Some advice for the naive male
Once a poor, misguided male friend asked me for some advice about women: "Um, I hear about this PMS stuff, but I don't know the details. When is it safe to approach a girl?"
Because I'm mean, my reply was less than encouraging:
"Well, PMS by definition happens before her period, but how many days before and how long it lasts depends on the woman. Then we feel cranky during the crampy-time, and some feel drained right after, too. So that means possibly the week before, the week during and the week after, we may feel like crap. Plus, there's no good way to ask a girl when her period is so you can calculate. So the best thing to do is to leave us all alone, all the time."
I smiled a wicked little grin. I was exagerrating things to make them seem more dire but really, there is no guaranteed way to not appear like a jerk when you hit on a girl.
Sure, manners count and you should always try to avoid purposely acting like a pig. Also, despite what your drunken buddies tell you, obnoxiousness is never charming. However, the grim reality is whether she likes you or not can depend on random, trivial stuff.
But it makes sense. This is the way it works:
Scenario 1: You're walking down a street and you smile at a girl.
Outcome A: She's in a good mood/appreciates your color-coordination. She thinks "he seems nice."
Outcome B: She's in a bad mood/is disgusted by the food stuck in your beard. She thinks, "eww, what a perv."
Scenario 2: You think your co-worker is cute. You ask her out for drinks.
Outcome A: She already thinks you're nice. She agrees or lets you down gently.
Outcome B: She already decided she has no interest in you. You develop a reputation around the office as "that creepy dude in accounting."
But, you wail, "that's totally unfair!"
Actually guys, you do it too.
Scenario 3: A girl accidentally bumps into you.
Outcome A: She's a Pam Anderson look-alike. You say, "Oops, my bad."
Outcome B: She's a crack whore missing half her teeth. You say, "Hey, watch it!"
So, we sort of think alike because we're human.
But you still can't understand us.
Sort of makes you want to crawl under a rock and weep, no?
For men seeking to understand women, here it is in black and white:
You can't. But we like it when you try.