Snark Scribe

Not all of us can meet people of quality

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Inappropriate Answers to Inappropriate Questions

It's that time of year again: The Holiday Inquisition. Here are some things you might try if you're tired of annoying questions from your so-called loved ones.

Disclaimer: Snark Scribe is not to be held liable for emotional distress, name-calling, vandalism, explosions or the need for family counseling arising out of the use of her bad advice.

Aunt: "You'd be so much prettier if you lost some weight."
You: "You'd look so much younger if you lost a couple chins."

Grandpa: "In my day, only girls who wanted to be spinsters went to college."
You: "In your day there were no elder abuse laws."

Mother: "When are you getting married?"
You: "After his divorce becomes final and he gets out of prison."

Cousin: "My boyfriend just bought me a giant ring. What did yours get you?"
You: "Something that doesn't sparkle like cubic zirconia."

Aunt: "My son-in-law just got a huge promotion at work. How are things going with your fiancee?"
You: "His boss just made him primary hit man."

Sister-in-law: "I am so exhausted from my trip around Europe. But you'd never understand, seeing as how you never go anywhere."
You: "People with typhoid don't have clearance to travel. By the way, did you like the pie I made?"

Grandma: "When are you going to have kids?"
You: "After my psychologist says he's cured my cannibalism. By the way, did you like the pie I made"


Blogger evil_fizz said...

Alternative response to when are you going to have kids:

"Oh, we're trying right now. Thank god for the table cloth, huh?

7:42 AM  
Anonymous Kyra said...

Another alternative response to when are you going to have kids:

"About five years after the last person asks us that."

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alternative response to anything said by a parent (i.e. when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids,etc etc)

"As soon as I pick out your nursing home."

9:53 AM  

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