Dear Perverted Underwear Thief

Dear Perverted Underwear Thief,

Thank you for giving me an excuse to take time out of my busy schedule to go shopping. I thought I had a steady supply of underwear for the next 2 weeks but no, you've proved me wrong.

I'd also like to thank you for being considerate enough to leave behind a few pairs of old granny panties so I don't have to go shopping right away tonight. I know it must have taken a lot of effort to sort through two loads of laundry and take only the thongs, boyshorts and really nice stuff.

Oh, and by the way, the next time you stop the dryer to steal underwear, could you start it up again? My clothes were cold and wet when I went to get them and I didn't appreciate having to put another $1.50 into the machine.

Personally, I think $1.50 is quite a bargain in exchange for all the underwear you took. Don't be cheap.

Sincerely,
Someone Who Hopes You Gag to Death