Hobbit Feet

Dear Men With Hairy Hobbit Feet,

Given the recent good weather, this is a gentle reminder that not everyone is entitled to wear sandals. The majority of you probably know this already, but some of your brethren have been abusing the privilege of wearing open-toed shoes.

You see, I witnessed one of your ilk, to whom we shall refer as Werewolf Legs, take advantage of the spring weather to wear dollar store flip-flops. He then sat down in uncomfortably close proximity, shod only in what amounted to little pieces of plastic on his feet, and propped his leg up next to me.

I would not have noticed the dark 3-4 inch long tufts of hair sprouting from his feet had he not proceeded to fidget and jiggle his flip-flop up and down, slapping it lightly against the soles of his feet. I might not have even noticed the fidgety behavior had I not thought, "What is that sour smell?" and realized, "Nooooo! That pungent odor arises from the pores of Werewolf Legs!"

And yes, Werewolf Legs, I realize you may not have wanted to groom yourself because you were desperate to cling to whatever manly indicators you thought you had. (Your wispy, undernourished, poor excuse for a fu manchu moustache was a testament to this). I am not saying you and your brethren should make regular pilgrimages to the salon. I merely ask, for the sake of our eyes and those of us with delicate nostrils: PLEASE WEAR SOME DECENT SHOES.