Oh My God You Know Him?

During my freshman year of college I lived in the dorms. One of my neighbors was a girl who was obsessed with the school's male acapella group. She went to all of their performances, and was particularly smitten with one of the singers, who went to my high school. Her dreams were crushed when we had the following conversation one day about the fellow I'll call Dirk:

Groupie: "Have you heard the [acapella group]? There's this one guy named Dirk Smith who's so cute!"

Me: "I went to high school with him."

Groupie: "Oh my god! You know Dirk Smith?"

Me: "Not really, we just went to school together."

Groupie: "That's so cool! You know Dirk Smith!"

Me: "No, we weren't friends --"

Groupie: "I can't believe you know Dirk Smith!"

Me: "We're not close or anything. We --"

Groupie (with a mixture of fear and awe): "Is he going to come visit?"

Me: "No. He's not coming to our dorm."

As the Groupie looked crestfallen, I considered whether or not to tell her he was gay. The decision was made for me when a friend walked into my room and asked, "What are you talking about?"

Groupie: "Dirk Smith!"

My friend: "The gay guy?"

Groupie: "He's gay? Really? He's gay?" (Wahhhhhhh).

I confirmed this information, but decided to spare her the pain of knowing that one of his nicknames was "man whore."