Citibank, Stop Stalking Me

I am no longer a customer of Citibank. I haven't been a customer for over a year. However, they keep spamming me with Citibank-related emails. Clicking on the "unsubscribe" link is futile, because it takes me to a page asking me to sign into my customer account (which I no longer have) to revise my subscription details.

How's that for a Catch-22?

Hey Citibank, bug off! I'm not coming back to you! I should have figured out you have crappy business practices when I originally opened my account.

I signed up for your free checking account. Later, I noticed you were taking $9.50 of my account each month for service fees. Why the hell should I pay you $114 a year for the privilege of holding my money?

When I called to enquire about the fees, you told me, "You don't have a free checking account. You have the paid account."

No, I have the free checking. I even have a letter from you that says "Congratulations for signing up for a free checking account!" Would you like me to fax it to you?

The CSR kept insisting I signed up for a paid account. Eventually, he referred me to a supervisor who asked, "So would you like to switch to a free account?" and implied I was a flake who changed her mind.

I told him I was not "switching," because I never had the paid account in the first place.

"But it says here you have a paid account."

I should have ran then. But I stayed. And you decided to drive me away.

I got sick of your repeated marketing phone calls while I was a customer. I kept coming home to find messages on my answering machine, or that you left with my family members that basically said, "This is Citibank calling. Call us back and we'll tell you what we want."

Freaked out that I was a victim of identity theft, or my account was overdrawn, each time I'd call you, get transferred, get put on hold and eventually, talk to a thickly-accented CSR who would tell me, "Uh, there's nothing wrong with your account. I don't know why you got a call."

Finally, one day I was home when you rang me. It turns out all this time, you were calling to get me to sign up for stuff I didn't need or want.

Go away.