Neon Wedding

My friend was hired to make custom pillows and drapes for a wedding. She showed me the fabric, which made me cringe.

The first fabric was HOT PINK with a raised swirl pattern. (My friend called it "Hello Kitty fingerprints"). The material felt odd to the touch, like some combination of acrylic and paper.

I was in awe that someone over the age of 13 would use those at all, much less at a wedding.

Then my friend showed me some furry, neon green fabric destined to become pillows for the same wedding. Imagine if someone had kidnapped a group of Sesame Street characters, spilled radioactive waste on them, and skinned the especially shaggy ones. Voila, pillow shams.

I was speechless, but that was not the end. Visualize chartreuse satin napkins with hot pink rhinestones. Also, think about bright yellow and orange ottoman covers.

I think the wedding hall will look like they hired a Technicolor clown to toss his blindingly bright cookies all over the venue.

What surprised me the most was hearing that the wedding coordinator they were using refused to accept any weddings with budgets less than $100,000.

When your wedding costs about the same as the gross national product of a fourth-world country, maybe you should hire a coordinator who can convince you to not take acid when planning your wedding.