Dear Roommate's Boyfriend

Dear Roommate's Boyfriend,

You seem like a nice guy and of reasonable intelligence, so perhaps you could remember a few things for your next visit:

1. We prefer you attempt to be fully clothed each time you exit your girlfriend's room. We know it's rather warm in the apartment and you may find it more comfortable to prance around in various stages of undress, but when we all wear bathrobes and such we can pretend we're civilized.

2. Perhaps you might want to turn up the stero the next time you and your girlfriend decide to have a business meeting. That way no one can hear you exchange sensitive trade secrets. You see, as a professional courtesy I turn on my music too, but it takes me a moment to turn on my ipod or boot up my computer and it's really much more efficient for you to do it first.

3. Sometimes when you have super secret merger talks you retreat to the shower. That's a step in the right direction since we don't have one of those sound-proof booths. However, the people upstairs have enquired about the yelling. Perhaps if you could take a valium before any heated discussions about stock portfolios we would all be happier.

Thank you.

Your Girlfriend's Roommate

P.S. In the future, could you also stop doing whatever it is that causes her to yell "You bastard! You broke my bed!" ? Thank you.