Couchsurfing

It's been a nomadic week for me. I have my belongings split between several places so I don't have to annoy any particular friend for more than several nights at a time, especially if they're a couple who wants some "alone" time.

Odd Guy has tried contacting me 3 times since I left. I am very suspicious about his motives.

His first text message was the day after I moved out, and was a polite offer to let me move back in. It was very uncharacteristic of him to use words like "thank you," especially after throwing a fit just 24 hours before, so I ignored the message. Besides, why the hell would I move back in?

Several hours later, he said "come back to the apartment and I'll give you your deposit." My first thought was "It's a trap!" I assumed he meant that he would give me back my money if I moved back in, due to his first message. I wasn't that desperate for cash.

I talked to one of the other roommates, who told me they planned to move out too, so perhaps Odd Guy was trying to recruit me back.

The day after that he sent another message, saying that if I moved out my bed (which I gave away to one of the other roommates), and changed the lock on my bedroom door back to the original unlockable doorknob, he'd refund my deposit.

I called the girls because obviously, they wouldn't want me giving the keys to him while they were still living there. I've called them twice but they haven't responded, and it's been days. I think that since they're moving, they don't want the bed, and are afraid to tell me.

My parents insist that we should go and get rid of the bed, change the doorknob, and leave him the keys this weekend to wash our hands of the matter.

I really, really would rather not go back, but I don't want him to call me again when the girls move out, or when his lease expires.

Hopefully he will be gone since this is a 3-day weekend, and my family can settle things in peace. I'm not going to bother making an appointment with him because I don't really believe he will give me any money, and I don't care anyway.

Drama Central

I'm going to be couch-surfing for the next month. I could not stay at my old apartment anymore. Odd Guy got too psycho, and I had an emergency move yesterday. My dad and boyfriend moved most of my belongings to my parents' house, and I'm staying with friends and the bare necessities.

There's a lot of gritty details, and I'm still digesting, but the major points are:

Odd Guy got progressively crazier this week, and more angry we didn't go along with his control freak plans. The last straw for me was when I caught him putting pubic hair on my towel on Thursday night to retaliate. I didn't confront him because I didn't want him to completely freak out and vandalize all my things before I moved out. I stayed with a friend Friday night.

On Saturday morning, I told him I was planning to move out with a friend. I tried to be casual, non-accusatory and "played dumb." I said, "I'd just rather live with a friend. You don't need to pro-rate January rent; just give me the deposit and I'll be gone, thanks."

He refused and said "I'll give you my answer tomorrow." I asked him, "Oh gee, does that mean you'll have the check tomorrow?" He kept repeating that he'll "answer" me tomorrow even though I was sure he was just trying to be a jerk and string me along. Eventually he freaked out and said a number of crazy things:

1. He'll never give me any money back.
2. I should have appreciated that he did me a "favor" by letting me move in, even though I was paying rent.
3. He figured out that I was a "conservative" (I think he meant selfish) person when I kept locking my bedroom door.
4. It's "his" apartment, and I didn't have the right to keep him out of my room.
5. If I was a decent person, I should have offered him extra money during the time in December when no one else had moved in.
6. It's "my fault" girls I never met or spoke to flaked out on moving in last quarter.
7. I can't complain about the 5 people living there because this week "doesn't count" due to a girl being gone for a number of days due to a family funeral.
8. He didn't break the contract by moving in 3 people without my consent. I agreed to rent the room, and never made him promise not to put 5 people in a 1 bedroom apartment. (Hmm, maybe because it's common sense?)
8. He wasn't afraid of me telling the apartment management about his illegal sublets because he's "there legally" so he's safe, but everyone else can get into trouble. (Obviously he doesn't understand how things work).

My fiance showed up, and Odd Guy yelled "I don't know you" and told him to get out because he was not renting there. He slammed the door on my fiance and locked it while I was inside with him. My fiance was afraid he was going to attack me, and told him he was going to call the police. Odd Guy told him to go ahead.

Can you see why I had to leave that day?

I doubt I will get my deposit back, but if it means I never hear from him again, it's worth it. At the moment, he's 100% wrong because he has my money and I don't owe him a dime. Legally, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, especially since he lied to everyone else and told them I was going to move in January anyway. The other roommates are understandably upset about the situation, and are also pessimistic that they will get their deposit back. I will not be surprised if they decide to flee the coop as well.

Unfortunately, Odd Guy has my parents' address because it was printed on my checks. If he contacts me again I think filing restraining order would be a good idea.

Shut Up Little Boy

Vote! Odd Guy has started throwing tantrums like a whiny brat because:
a) No one will go along with his bathroom schedule.
b) All the roommates ignore him.
c) He's a loser who's jealous that he has no friends.
d) All of the above.

The other night, when the new roommates had some friends over and everyone was socializing without him, Odd Guy sat in the living room with his laptop, watching videos at an unusually high volume. No one said anything to him, so he turned the volume up. Unable to get the attention he wanted, he increased the volume again. And again. And again until he was blasting heavy metal, which he never listens to.

No one said, "Please turn it down" so he finally gave up, turned off his computer, and went to sleep.

Just a few minutes ago, Odd Buy berated Male Roommate for having "too many friends over all the time," in the presence of one of these friends. Apparently, we're not allowed to have friends over because they're not renting, and thus using space, electricity, plumbing and other things they're not paying for.

Shut up you cheapo bastard! You live here for free, and turn a profit, and you're begrudging 50 cents of water and gas?

Or maybe you just can't stand that other people have the ability to make people like them.

Toilet Nazi

Odd Guy isn't just a greedy little bastard, he's a control freak.

Today, he asked to talk to me privately in my room. l left the door open and spoke loudly enough for the rest of the roommates to hear.

Odd Guy had a spreadsheet and said he wanted to schedule our bathroom times in half-hour blocks. He insisted it was necessary because we had 5 people in one apartment. (Who's fault is that?)

He wanted to institute several rules:
1. No one is allowed to shower in the morning.
2. You must only use your scheduled time in the morning.
3. If it's not your time you can't use the bathroom, even if it's empty, just in case the person who "owns" the time wants it.

Obviously, I was not enthusiastic about this idea.

He put himself down for 7 AM - 7:30 AM and asked me what time I needed. I said, "All of us need to talk about this together."

He said, "Yeah, I'll talk to everyone else afterwards."

I said, "We should all talk to everyone, because what if people want the same time?"

He responded with "Don't worry, you get to pick first." (I think he was trying to be "nice" because he sensed that I have the ability to lead a mutiny. I've used the past 24 hours to be my charming self and become super-chummy with the other roommates, especially in his presence. They invited me to dinner with them tonight, but left him out of the plans).

I left the bedroom and announced, "He wants to schedule our bathroom times." Everyone looked at him like he was a zoo creature.

He kept pointing to his spreadsheet and insisting what a good and necessary idea it was. We tried to explain calmly and rationally that 30 minutes is a really long time to camp out in the bathroom continuously. We are (mostly) reasonable people, and if someone yells "I have to brush my teeth and get to class in 10 minutes!" no one is going to insist on taking a long bath and waxing their legs at that moment. Also, if someone needs to take up the bathroom for 2 minutes just to pee, it's stupid to make them wait for "their time" just in case someone else needs it.

Odd Guy didn't believe us. He said, "You won't just take 2 minutes."

This morning, Odd Guy wasn't home, and the rest of us had no problem being courteous together and having things work out. However, cooperation is apparently foreign concept to Odd Guy. We finally got him to drop the topic (temporarily) by saying that this is the first week of class and not everyone's schedule is set. I suggested that since we did not have a problem this morning, there was a very good chance we would not have a problem in the future so severe we needed scheduling. If two people woke up one morning at the same time, and one was running very late, the two people could talk it out.

I'm sure Odd Guy is pissed at me right now for thwarting his control freak plans. The other roommates revealed to me that they had asked for my phone number prior to moving in, so they could talk to me, and he refused to give it to them. He also lied to them about how soon I am moving out, and said, "Don't worry, I can kick her out any time."

I definitely am not in love with living at the apartment, and would like to get out as soon as possible, but I still need to finish school. If Odd Guy tries to carry out his threat, I'll remind him that he wouldn't want the landlord to know about his unauthorized subletting scheme.

Sidenote: While talking to my sister about him, I referred to him as an ugly twisted gnome. My sister thinks I should call him Ugly Twisted Individual. Given his bathroom fixation, perhaps UTI is a fitting name.

(Really) Full House aka Freakin' Long Rant

At first I thought my roommate Odd Guy was just socially awkward and shy. I later revised that to weird. Then creepy.

Now I would like to state that he has no idea how normal people function.

I got back from my vacation today to find out that there are FIVE people sleeping in my apartment tonight. FIVE! SIX if Odd Guy shows up. I live in a one bedroom apartment as explained before. How the hell did this happen?

Before Christmas, Odd Guy was looking for a girl to replace the one that flaked. He asked for a copy of the key to my room so he could show it to people while I was gone. He didn't seem to understand why I refused. (The thought of him having access while I slept did not sit well with me). I told him to just let me know when people were coming, and I'd be present or leave my room unlocked.

Instead of asking me when I was available, or telling prospective tenants to call me to set up a time, he would make arrangements, then call me at the lab, saying, "Be here at ____ time today." I declined to leave work every time he snapped his fingers, so one day I decided to leave my room unlocked but the door closed, without telling him. The plan was to say, "Oh my room's open, tell her to go in and take a look" if he called again suddenly.

I received no call that day, but when I went home, I found him in my room.

With a flashlight.

WTF?

I can understand being curious enough to think, "Hey, I wonder what her room looks like" or "Gee, what's on her desk?" It's quite another thing to say, "On the off chance she forgot to lock her door, I'm going to try the doorknob. Oh good! Now, let me go out, get a flashlight from my desk, come back into her room, get down on my hands and knees and look under her bed, or in her underwear drawer."

He even moved around the items in my room. Although the bulk of my items were on "my half," I had some shopping bags, etc. on the other side since the other girl hadn't moved in. Odd Guy moved all those items back to my side. He also pushed a small bureau (that was technically on my half of the room) next to my desk, blocking off my chair. He even opened my closet, took out a box that was on "the other side" and moved it back to my side. He explained, "I don't want the other girl to come and think the room is not good."

She's not stupid! I'm sure she'll figure it out when I say, "Hey, I'll be cleaning up those 2 shopping bags and 1 box before you move in."

After that, I couldn't wait for Christmas vacation to start, and I would have several weeks free of him.

On New Year's Eve he called me, and hung up after the phone rang once. He then texted me, apparently preferring not to speak to a real person. He informed me that I needed to show up on New Year's Day to show the room to a girl.

I said no. He responded with "You should leave the room open while the room is for rent or you lend me the key." So you can rifle through my stuff while I'm gone? No.

On New Year's Day he texted me, letting me know that he found "someone" to rent the room.

I said ok.

The day after, he sent me some vital information he left out. "2 young and small" girls were moving in.

I called and demanded an explanation. Our 9 minute, repetitive conversation can be distilled down to:
Me: "What's going on?"
Odd Guy: "Everything's okay."
Me: "What do you mean two girls are moving in with me?"
OG: "It's okay. They're small people."
Me: "It doesn't matter how short they are! Our agreement was that I would share with one other girl."
OG: "It's okay. You still get half the room."
Me: "But there's two people!"
OG: "You still get half the room."
Me: "How much are they paying."
OG: "You still get half the room."
Me: "How can I have half the room when there's three people?"
OG: "The girls are sharing the other half."
Me: "But there are two girls bringing two beds and two desks and everything else they own.
OG: "You still get half."
Me: "How? Do they only have one bed."
OG: "Yes."
Me: "They're sharing one bed? Are they sisters?"
OG: "You have to understand me."
Me: "Are they related?"
OG: "They know each other."
Me: "How much are they paying?"
OG: "You have half the room."
etc.

As far as I understood at the time, the girls would take over the room completely once I left in mid-February. He rented to them because it would be hard for him to find someone else in the middle of the quarter once I left. I was not happy with the arrangement, but I resigned myself to it because I would be leaving soon, and I felt sorry for the other girls who were international students desperate for a place to live.

Today I came back to find that Odd Guy forgot to tell me that he had rented to an additional male, who was going to share the living room with him. On top of that, that other guy had a friend who was staying "temporarily." (Luckily, he's leaving tomorrow, after having stayed for several days). The girls are also not sharing one bed. They moved in their furniture, and our beds are lined up along one wall, with a tiny bit of room between each. I definitely do not have "half" the room.

In short, while I was away on vacation, Odd Guy interviewed and moved in 3 other people without my consent.

Luckily, the new roommates I met today are sociable and normal. (The flew into the country 5 days ago, and immediately went to look at apartments the next day, hence the haste). Thank goodness Odd Guy did not pick them because he thought they were kindred spirits. However, he's been less than honest with them as well. He told them I was "moving out at the end of the month" when he actuality my agreement is through mid-February.

The apartment is $900 and I'm paying $300. The other 3 new roommates told me they're paying $250 each. That means that Odd Guy is not only living rent-free, but making a profit of $150 a month running an illegal youth hostel.

According to the new people who moved in, he justifies this by saying that after the other roommates move out in June, he has to pay all $900 by himself until the lease ends in September. I'm sure he'll just rent to other people when we move out, and continue his little scheme.

He isn't home yet, so I have not seen him today, or had the chance to beat the pulp out of his skinny, short, ugly, pimply little dried shrimp-eating body.

Key Shenanigans

The engineer I live with seems to have book smarts, but not a lot of common sense.

The weekend I moved into my apartment Odd Guy was gone. He left me the key by hiding it on the balcony. My boyfriend had to hop the fence to get it.

A couple nights later I got a call from him asking if I was going to be around the next morning at 11:30 AM.

"Well, I was planning to go to campus, but why?"

"I don't have a key. I gave you mine."

His suggestion was for me to hide the key so he could let himself in.

"You want me to climb the fence with a bad knee, go to work, then hope you are around when I get back home tonight? Then we can repeat this tomorrow if you forget to make a copy again? No."

I told him I'd wait for him to show up, then we'd go make a copy of the key together. When he arrived, I got in his car, and he drove us to the local grocery store.

Then he said, "We can ask the people here where to make keys."

"Why don't you just go to the hardware store?"

Odd Guy didn't know where it was, so I gave him directions. We went into the store, and he immediately stood in line to pay at the cashier. I told him we had to go to the key grinder in the back of the store first, so he reluctantly followed me.

While the duplicate key was being made, he said he left his wallet in the car, but would pay me back.

I thought that was fine, but he then decided to do a bit of shopping in the store, while I was waiting, although he had no cash with him.

When we went to pay for the key and his coil of wire (which he said was going to be used to "make curtains") I pulled out a $20 bill. He took it from me and handed it to the cashier.

My friend's reaction when I told her was, "What? You don't get to pretend to be manly when you left your wallet in the car!"

Odd Guy then also pocketed the change the cashier handed over as I reached for it.

WTF? It took me a moment to realize that he thought it would be easier to just give me $20 later, instead of fumbling for the right number of coins, but couldn't he have said something? I was standing there thinking, "Wait, that's my money!"

He paid me back when we got into the car, but I've realized that he has a habit of performing actions without commentary, without realizing they require some sort of explanation.

Odd Guy Beginnings

I found my current apartment through an online ad, so all my correspondence with my roommate was through email. He had an androgynous name, and advertised "looking for a female roommate," so until I went to see the place, I thought Odd Guy was a girl.

He advertised for a female roommate because the bedroom I'm in is very spacious, and another girl had already agreed to rent the other half. (She later flaked, and he's looking for a replacement, but that's another story).

At that point I was desperate to move that week, and Odd Guy was the only one who was willing to let me stay for a couple months, instead of signing a year-lease. Although I didn't want to live a male roommate, the place was clean and cheap, so I accepted.

This is how I ended up living in half a room, with a guy sleeping in the living room. Can you see now why there are going to be stories?

Odd Guy

I've been very quiet for a bit, due to being busy with wrapping up school/research things so I can take a break during the holiday.

I've settled into my new apartment enough to give you an assessment of my roommate:

Treasure trove of awkward stories.

He's an engineering student with very poor social skills. Unlike my old roommates I don't think he's a scammer and his middle name isn't Skank, so I'm willing to put up with his weirdness for a couple months.

I'm traveling home today for the holidays, but there will be stories about Odd Guy galore.

Creepo

I'm starting to think my boyfriend's new roommate is a serial killer, or at least someone with severe social phobia.

Silent Boy never speaks to us. When we enter the apartment we can hear him close his bedroom door to avoid us. He has his own bathroom, and keeps food in his room so he doesn't need to leave. Sometimes he's so quiet we don't know he's home. Often, my boyfriend doesn't see him for days. They communicate through notes and checks taped to the doors: "This month's electricity bill is $34.54."

We know he's avoiding us because if Silent Boy comes home while we are already present, he rushes past us and goes into his room without saying hello.

Should I be afraid?

Some People Never Learn

Remember the roommate who dumped her boyfriend because he was a philandering, alcoholic, compulsive gambler who threatened her?

They have rekindled their relationship.

I had trouble believing this until she started posting lovey-dovey pictures on Facebook again.

Ugh. Good luck dear.

The House Saga Continues

I left the house on Friday to spend the weekend at my parents' home. When I came back on Monday, both my roommates' bedrooms were empty.

I assumed that they were upset because the landlord is selling the house, and decided to do an emergency move. I wished they told me, but I thought maybe something happened over the weekend. (When I came back I saw that the cheapass landlord had decided to staple down new carpet on the stairs, without ripping out the old carpet, while I was gone).

A little while later, I got a message from the landlord asking, "What's going on? Your roommates moved out and haven't paid the August rent or electric bill?"

I replied that I had no idea they planned to move immediately, and I only found out myself an hour ago. (I'm glad we have separate rental agreements, and I'm not responsible for paying their share if they skip town).

Later that day, Female Roommate called me and explained she and her boyfriend (Male Roommate) had a big fight on Friday and broke up. He started saying vindictive, nasty things about tossing out her belongings.

She did not want to risk him carrying out his threat, and moved all her items to her mother's house while he was at work. He probably came back, saw she was gone and decided, "To hell with it, I'll leave too."

Female Roommate says she paid her August rent, but not the electric bill, because she loaned the boyfriend money.

I'm not sure how much of what she told me is a post-breakup smear campaign, but she told me he has a gambling problem, a drinking problem, and a "woman problem."

(I actually thought this was funny because "woman problem" could have referred to other things besides infidelity).

Holy crap.

It's too quiet in the house for my taste, but I'm glad they're not playing out this drama while still living here.

Another Kind of Home Invasion

I came back from Europe about a week ago, but I've been silent due to my internet being cut off. Yes, my landlord "forgot" to pay the internet bill again. (I'm blogging from a friend's house). I was hoping to regale you with tales of my travel adventures, but I've been rather distracted.

I found out yesterday morning that my landlord is trying to sell the house, when a realtor showed up and said, "What? They didn't tell you?"

I stood there in my pajamas as she explained that he's been thinking of selling the house for a while, and she reminded him several times that he needed to notify his tenants. He kept insisting, "Yeah, I told them, but when you go to the house can you pretend you're a repairman or something?"

That bastard. Instead of telling us at the beginning of the summer so we could find new places to live, he decided to squeeze another few months of rent out of us. It didn't matter to him that trying to find an apartment right before school starts, after everyone else has signed their leases and found roommates, is rather difficult.

The newest roommate moved in 2 months ago. I'm sure the landlord knew at that time he was going to sell the house, but why consider the inconvenience to others when you can wring a few dollars from a college student dependent on his financial aid check to pay the rent?

I was suspicious when I came back from Europe and found flowers in the yard, and new carpet in an empty bedroom. I thought, "He's too lazy to fix the porch light but planted new flowers?" It all makes sense now. He's attempting to do last-minute, half-assed repairs. The realtor told him he needed to change all the filthy carpet in the house. He only changed about 1/3. There are now 3 (obviously) different colors and textures of adjoining carpet in the upstairs. The new carpet is lumpy, has huge air pockets, peels up near the walls and has loose nails and staples. It also smells funny.

I've also been requested not to be present when prospective buyers come to see the house. He doesn't want me telling people about the rat infestation problem, the dead air conditioning, the dodgy appliances and the electrical problems. Screw you jackass. I'll play along. I won't be in the house, but it doesn't mean I can't hang out around the driveway. Perhaps I'll let the buyers in and say, "Hi, I'm Snark and I have to go take a walk because they don't want me to talk to you. I'll be around nearby. Thanks!"

If the buyers are smart they'll chase me down and I can let them know to expect $9,000 in repairs the moment they move in. (The dead AC is over 20 years old. Every repairman has said they can patch it, but it'll break down very soon, so they recommend a $9000 replacement. I'm sure the landlord will cheap out and do the patch).

Yes, you heard right. It's been 6 weeks without air-conditioning in the house. There were two heatwaves during this time, with temperatures over 100 degrees.

In the next few weeks I'm supposed to expect a stream of strangers going through my bedroom, poking into my closets. The realtor has informed me that legally I can't "obstruct his fiduciary rights" so I have to accommodate anyone who wants to wander in and steal my stuff, even if I'm not home. (The realtor has keys that she's leaving in an electronic lock box attached to the house, that only "authorized" people can access).

I asked for 24 hours notice any time someone needs to enter, but I'm not optimistic about that. My landlord has shown up in the past unannounced. One time, he brought his son and entered with his own key, without even knocking. He walked in on my roommate, who just came out of the shower wrapped in a towel. There was no apology.

The realtor brought an air-conditioning salesman to the house yesterday to give a repair estimate. He needed to get into the attic through the entry in my bedroom. As usual, a shower of dust, rat feces and plaster came down onto my bed and floor. When I went down to the garage to get the vacuum cleaner to tidy up (yet again) I found out that the landlord took the vacuum. I had to borrow one from a friend in order to make my room livable. Sadly, I expect this to repeat as last-minute repairs continue.

I am worried, but not in panic mode. The housing market is poor, and the greedy jerk has an asking price that's $50,000 to $60,000 too much, according to the realtor. Plus, even if the house sells right now the escrow is going to take one month. I'm thinking of alternate housing options, but homelessness is not imminent.

Greek House

My co-worker Jane used to share an apartment with 5-6 Greek men who were recent immigrants to the US. All of them (and their friends) were extremely comfortable with their bodies, and spent much of their time in the nude.

Jane described living in that apartment as, "It was like being on the set of Caligula."

It was not unusual for Jane to come home and find about a dozen naked, or near-naked men in the living room, chain-smoking cigarettes. Because of this, if she brought her own friends over, she would enter the apartment first to "do a naked check."

One day, during a naked check she ran into Stavros, who asked, "What are you doing?" Jane explained she had a friend outside the door, and she wanted to make sure there were no nude men wandering about.

Stavros was appalled. "Why don't she want to see me naked?"

He was genuinely offended. "I look good naked." He could not understand that some people did not like to look at his naughty bits.

However, the men were very nice, and they did occasionally put on clothes. At night, they greased up their hair, donned cowboy boots, put on garishly neon clothing that exposed their chest hair, and went clubbing. Jane told me they looked like "radioactive gay cowboys."

Errant BVD

Dear Roommate,

I learned this week that there is a very good reason for carefully checking what appears to be an empty washing machine, before putting in your own laundry.

Sometimes there is a stray sock from someone else. Sometimes it's something much worse.

The other day I found a pair of men's briefs with a brown stain on them. They were dry, and I have no idea if they had already gone through the wash or not.

I was about to dump in a load of whites (containing my own underwear), when I noticed the orphan BVDs. Thinking they were your socks, I took them out. When I realized what they were I freaked out and ran to wash my hands.

Please, if your man friend has skid-marked undies that he must wash in our machine, please tell him to be prompt about removing them. At the very least, could he please remember to turn on the machine after putting in his filthy undergarments?

Thank you.

The Girl Upstairs

P.S. From Wikipedia I found out BVD stands for Bradley Voorhies and Day. It is also an acronym for Bovine Virus Diarrhea. I hope the latter was not on the former.

I Smell Desperation

A friend of mine is looking for a place to live, and answered a Craigslist "roommate wanted" ad. When she emailed the guy who made the post, he replied that the room was already taken, but he wasn't.

He asked her out on a date.

How sleazy do you have to be to ask out a complete stranger, that you know nothing about, just because you found out she was female?

Perhaps I have a very low opinion of humanity, but I think there's a chance there was no room to begin with, and this loser thought he had a "clever" way to meet women.

Toxic Roommate

Although my old roommate was selfish, drunk and annoying, at least she didn't try to kill me. One of my co-workers "Jane" related a story about a past roommate that makes mine seem like a blessing.

Jane used to live with a group of 4 girls in a house. One of the girls was the only child of older parents, and had been coddled all her life. When she moved in, her father built a replica of her childhood bedroom for her, in the new house.

Jane remarked, "Wow, that's nice. My dad wouldn't do that." Miss Coddled replied, with wide-eyed innocence, "It must be so sad to have parents that don't love you."

This was Jane's first inkling that Miss Coddled was not drawing with a full box of crayons.

Miss Coddled did not cook or wash dishes. Every weekend she went to her parents' house with a tub full of dirty tupperware, and returned with food her mother prepared for her.

She only ate two things: chicken cassserole and beef casserole. Despite it being clear those containers belonged to her, every single week she put a note on them that said, "Please don't eat me."

She had a habit of leaving similar notes. If the toilet was backed up, instead of writing "Clogged; called plumber" or "Out of order" like a regular person, she wrote, "Please don't use me. I'm broken."

One day, Miss Coddled was going home and told Jane there was an extra casserole in the fridge that she could eat. After Miss Coddled left, Jane thought, "Why waste food?" and ate it.

Ten minutes later, Jane was doubled up on the floor, with horrible abdominal pains, thinking "Bitch tried to poison me!"

The scary thing is, Jane had never argued with Miss Coddled or stolen her food. Miss Coddled apparently simply invented a justification for poisoning her in her twisted mind.

The really scary thing is, Jane found out that Miss Coddled is a kindergarten teacher now.

My Internet Returns!

On Wednesday morning I woke up to find my internet was dead. I kept getting "connection refused" and "permission denied" messages, although I was getting a very strong wireless signal.

When I noticed it was the last day of the month I became suspicious about whether my roommate remembered to pay the bill. She was staying at her parents, so I called her that day and left a message.

I called her again Thursday morning when I didn't hear from her, telling her I really needed to use the internet for homework assignments. I talked to my other roommate (who wasn't in charge of the internet bill), who told me, "Gee this has happened before. Remember in March, when our power got turned off, but back on the same day when I called her?" (That was news to me since I wasn't home that day, but it certainly made me even more sure my internet withdrawal was her fault).

My suspicions were confirmed Thursday afternoon the mailman delivered a "PAST DUE" notice from our internet company that said "Your internet is scheduled to be disconnected. Disconnection may have already occurred."

I called my roommate again, with no reply.

Late Thursday night my internet came back on, but automatically disconnected every 2 minutes.

As of Saturday, it's stabilized somewhat, and I get disconnected only every 10-15 minutes. I wonder if this is the company's way of punishing us for late payment.

Oh yes, and my roommate never called back.

I Invited Strangers to Our Home

This is a story about someone I no longer live with.

One day, after returning home from class, my roommate (whose nickname was Midget), regaled me with tales of some men she met. They stopped her on the street to ask for directions, she struck up a conversation with them, and everyone became fast friends.

I thought she's too trusting, but oh well.

Then Midget said, "They're coming over right now. You don't mind, do you?"

"What, right now? Today?" I was aghast.

"Yes, they're on their way," she said calmly.

"Well, it's too late for me to object, isn't it?"

"I guess, but they're really nice!"

"Uh huh. How well do you know these people? Do you even know their last names?"

"No, but don't worry, they know our phone number."

"Gee, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better. So are they students?"

"No."

"Do they live around here?"

"No, they're visiting from out of the country."

"How old are they?"

"Like 30." (FYI, we were about 20 at the time, so 30 to us was ancient).

"How many are coming?"

"I don't know. I said he could bring his friends."

"Let me understand you correctly. You invited some old guys you met ON THE STREET, and told them to bring an unknown number of possibly sketchy friends, who could KILL US and then flee the country without anyone knowing, and you think it's okay because they know our PHONE NUMBER!?"

"Um, yeah."

"What in the world made you think this was a good idea?"

"They seemed really nice."

I was speechless at her stupidity. I thought it couldn't get any worse. Then she said, "I'm going out to get some ice cream. Let them in when they get here okay?"

"You want to leave me alone with some people I've never seen before, that you don't even know?'

"I'll be back right away."

I thought, "It doesn't take long to get stabbed to death."

After she left, I left too. They're her guests, if there's no one to let them in, she's the one being rude.

The aftermath: Two men came over. She survived. I got her to admit she was stupid, and she promised to never do anything like that again.

The Roomate Saga Part 4 (The End)

For the rest of the story: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Quick recap: Sleazy Chick, my ex-roommate, left town without moving out her belongings or paying for her damages. The landlord charged us $800 for repairs, cleaning, and dumping Sleazy Chick's junk.

Good Roomie called Sleazy Chick's parents several times, after finding their phone number in the yellow pages. No one picked up the phone, but Good Roomie didn't leave a message, afraid Sleazy Chick would erase it.

After several calls, Sleazy Chick's mom, Mrs. Chick, used caller ID to call Roomie back.

"Who is this? Why do you keep calling the house?" she said, angrily.

Roomie explained who she was, what situation we were in, and that her daughter owed us money. Like her daughter, Mrs. Chick tried to weasel out of paying.

Mrs. Chick's first argument: "Well, everyone used the furniture, so everyone's responsible for it."

Excuse me? We all brought items that we shared, and we moved all our own items out of the apartment. If we dared to touch your daughter's things, she would probably be suing us.

Mrs. Chick's second argument: "You can't blame my daughter for everything. Those French girls who subletted during the summer probably left a mess."

What? They brought furniture and potted plants in their luggage for a 6-week stay? They had barely enough room for all their clothes and toiletries in their suitcases. I took them shopping right after they landed. Furthermore, they were very neat, and cleaned the house without being asked, even though they were in a hurry to catch their departing flight.

Mrs. Chick's third argument: "Some of the stuff belongs to my daughter's old roommate Mandy."

So what? Mandy lived there before us. Your daughter had a full year to get Mandy to move her stuff or throw it out. When we moved in your daughter gave us the impression everything belonged to her.

I wrote Mrs. Chick a calm, polite letter explaining what her daughter did, why she can't blame anyone else, what the charges were, and how much she owed the landlord and each roommate.

Instead of trusting her to mail 4 separate checks (for me, Good Roomie, Good Roomie #2 and the landlord), I told her to send one to us, which we would split up, to make it more convenient for "her."

I also added, since we owed the landlord money, it was in the best interest of her daughter's credit report to pay us soon.

To my surprise, Mrs. Chick sent us the money. Promptly. And the check didn't bounce.

Throughout all this, Sleazy Chick stayed silent. I'm glad all this is over, but the whole situation left me very disappointed, and surprised at how selfish someone can be.

I can understand if you're spoiled, and you can afford to buy a new TV, living room set, kitchenware, etc. every time you move. What I don't understand is why it takes too much effort to put an ad on Craigslist saying, "Hey broke students, poor people and recyclers: come get some free stuff."

At the very least, how hard is it to say to your roommates, "I don't want ____, so throw it out so you won't get charged" ?

The Roomate Saga Part 3

Earlier posts: Part 1 and Part 2.

In my last post I described how my roommate Sleazy Chick left sent me a text message indicating a stranger was moving in with me, then dodged my calls for a week.

She finally called back, saying Jack was a "student" who wanted to move to town 6 or 7 weeks before school started, so he could "settle in." Okay. She also said she planned to move her personal belongings out of her room before he moved in, but would return at the end of the lease to take her furniture and dishes. (This second part later turned out to be a lie).

While I was out of town for the weekend, she moved everything out of her room, but left a lot of shopping bags and trash in the apartment, outside of her room.

When I came back, the French subletters told me they had tried to ask her about Jack (which they had every right to do, since they were being forced to live with him as well), but were brushed off rudely. This only made me more nervous.

I know, "appearances can be deceiving," but it was hard not to remember my ex-con suspicions when I finally met Jack. He was older than your average college student, very burly, very tattooed, very very scarred and drove a very beat-up car. He looked like a man that had been at the wrong end of a broken beer bottle many times.

Luckily, I was able to move into my new apartment early, and didn't live with Jack long. He was probably rather nice, but living with an unknown man wasn't a chance I wanted to take.

Crisis averted, right?

No. After this, Sleazy Chick ceased all contact with us. Our landlord insisted we turn in all our keys together, so I kept calling her to ask when she was moving out, and if she could give me her keys. (We had apartment, room, closet, pool, exercise room, and mail keys, and would have been charged $5 for each missing key).

She refused to respond, even when I called again the day before our lease was up. I told her I assumed she was coming on the very last day to move out, and I left the envelope with all the keys on the kitchen counter, for her to turn in with her keys. I explained the situation to the landlord, and said my procrastinating roommate would come on the last day.

Remember Sleazy Chick's promise to remove the ridiculous amounts of junk she accumulated over 3 years? It didn't happen.

The landlord called me several days later and said Sleazy Chick never returned. The landlord was "appalled" at the amount of furniture, trash, knickknacks, dishes, food, etc. still in the apartment. It took 2 people 4 hours to move everything out and dump it. On top of that, there were damages in Sleazy Chick's room. The landlord had called Sleazy Chick before, without response, and was not dealing with her again.

Thus we -- yes, WE -- were being charged $800 for Sleazy Chick's crap.

Our deposit didn't even cover the full amount. On top of the money I handed over when I moved in, the landlord wanted me to pull another $100 out of my outlet-store, student-budget jeans, to cover her designer-clad ass.

That was what really galled me. I suspected I wasn't going to get my deposit back, but to have to shell out more money for someone else, in order to avoid my credit being ruined, seemed incredibly unfair.

I'm going to try to wrap things up in Part 4: Chasing the Money.