Snark Scribe

Not all of us can meet people of quality

Monday, December 29, 2008

Ooh Shiny!

Snark has been neglecting her blog because for the past 9 days she has been busy making phone calls, answering emails, reading Facebook comments, telling and re-telling stories, dodging nosy questions, and in general, letting all her friends and family know that she is engaged.

Yep, after witnessing so many engagements this year that I lost count, I am now one of the girls with a shiny on my finger. It's a funny club to belong to. I've never been a diamond girl, or a sucker for expensive jewelry, but I have to admit, this was the Best Christmas Present Ever.

My boyfriend proposed during dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant next to the ocean. When he got up from his seat I thought he was going to the men's room. He had a lot of liquids that night. My friends joke he was "searching for courage in a bottle" but it was mostly water and coffee.

He crossed over to my side, got down one knee and blurted a little too quickly, "I knew after a month that you were the girl for me and there's probably about a dozen people staring at me right now so please hurry up and say 'yes.'"

There were two thoughts running through my head:
1. "He didn't practice at all, did he?"
2. "Yes!"

There was some clapping in the restaurant. The manager gave us some complimentary champagne and the waiter came by with the dessert cart. My boy and I shared a wonderful chocolate mousse cake, and I was very very happy.

I still am.

Happy new year!

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Key Shenanigans

The engineer I live with seems to have book smarts, but not a lot of common sense.

The weekend I moved into my apartment Odd Guy was gone. He left me the key by hiding it on the balcony. My boyfriend had to hop the fence to get it.

A couple nights later I got a call from him asking if I was going to be around the next morning at 11:30 AM.

"Well, I was planning to go to campus, but why?"

"I don't have a key. I gave you mine."

His suggestion was for me to hide the key so he could let himself in.

"You want me to climb the fence with a bad knee, go to work, then hope you are around when I get back home tonight? Then we can repeat this tomorrow if you forget to make a copy again? No."

I told him I'd wait for him to show up, then we'd go make a copy of the key together. When he arrived, I got in his car, and he drove us to the local grocery store.

Then he said, "We can ask the people here where to make keys."

"Why don't you just go to the hardware store?"

Odd Guy didn't know where it was, so I gave him directions. We went into the store, and he immediately stood in line to pay at the cashier. I told him we had to go to the key grinder in the back of the store first, so he reluctantly followed me.

While the duplicate key was being made, he said he left his wallet in the car, but would pay me back.

I thought that was fine, but he then decided to do a bit of shopping in the store, while I was waiting, although he had no cash with him.

When we went to pay for the key and his coil of wire (which he said was going to be used to "make curtains") I pulled out a $20 bill. He took it from me and handed it to the cashier.

My friend's reaction when I told her was, "What? You don't get to pretend to be manly when you left your wallet in the car!"

Odd Guy then also pocketed the change the cashier handed over as I reached for it.

WTF? It took me a moment to realize that he thought it would be easier to just give me $20 later, instead of fumbling for the right number of coins, but couldn't he have said something? I was standing there thinking, "Wait, that's my money!"

He paid me back when we got into the car, but I've realized that he has a habit of performing actions without commentary, without realizing they require some sort of explanation.

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Odd Guy Beginnings

I found my current apartment through an online ad, so all my correspondence with my roommate was through email. He had an androgynous name, and advertised "looking for a female roommate," so until I went to see the place, I thought Odd Guy was a girl.

He advertised for a female roommate because the bedroom I'm in is very spacious, and another girl had already agreed to rent the other half. (She later flaked, and he's looking for a replacement, but that's another story).

At that point I was desperate to move that week, and Odd Guy was the only one who was willing to let me stay for a couple months, instead of signing a year-lease. Although I didn't want to live a male roommate, the place was clean and cheap, so I accepted.

This is how I ended up living in half a room, with a guy sleeping in the living room. Can you see now why there are going to be stories?

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Odd Guy

I've been very quiet for a bit, due to being busy with wrapping up school/research things so I can take a break during the holiday.

I've settled into my new apartment enough to give you an assessment of my roommate:

Treasure trove of awkward stories.

He's an engineering student with very poor social skills. Unlike my old roommates I don't think he's a scammer and his middle name isn't Skank, so I'm willing to put up with his weirdness for a couple months.

I'm traveling home today for the holidays, but there will be stories about Odd Guy galore.

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Sunday, December 07, 2008

Show Me the Money

The landlady finally sent me my deposit. I'm going to cash the check tomorrow and hope it doesn't bounce.

It's been like pulling teeth to get this woman to give me what she owes me. I called her the other day and asked, "Why haven't you sent me my deposit yet?"

She claimed to not have my address, which I emailed to her daughter 9 days ago, as she requested.

I reminded her of this fact, and she said her daughter couldn't get the address because "she hadn't been at work because of the holiday."

Your daughter got 9 days off work because of Thanksgiving? You live in a million-dollar house and have no internet access at home? Your daughter makes Facebook status updates through telepathy?

I told her to stop lying. I ran through a string of lies she's told me, as she kept trying to interrupt me with "Excuse me! Excuse me!"

I called her a liar. It felt good. I knew that even if she didn't send me the money right away, I still ruined her day by calling her in the morning. I live close enough to get mail from her in 1-2 days so I said that if she didn't pay up immediately I'd know.

I told her to send a money order and she ended up sending a check, but for now, I have a small victory.

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Yet Another One

I went to 4 weddings this year, and I've lost track of the number of engagements among my circle. There's 5? 6 now? I'm not sure.

A 7th? couple just announced their engagement. I hope I have a job next year that can pay for all the presents. Luckily I already have enough dresses and and shoes from this year.

Meanwhile, there will probably be an increase in the number of wedding-related horror stories. For example, someone I'll arbitrarily refer to as Bride5 recently told me about the other really unhappy people she encountered while buying her own dress.

At the shop Bride5 witnessed another bride burst into tears because nothing in the store suited her. She was a large woman, and the salespeople brought her nothing but huge fluffy 80s monstrosities that made her look even larger.

At the same store, Bride5 overheard another bride telling the saleslady "I want this dress to still fit at my wedding." The saleslady said, "Oh lots of brides are worried about weight changes but we can alter the dress closer to the ceremony."

The bride said, "No, I'm 3 months pregnant!" (So she was looking for a magical growing dress).

The saleslady tried to be upbeat. "Oh, after I had my child I fit back into all of my old clothes in 3 months."

The response was, "Oh you did did you? Well then **** you!"

I think weddings stress people out.

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