Snark Scribe

Not all of us can meet people of quality

Monday, December 31, 2007

DHL Rocks

A co-worker needed to send documents to South Africa. The address she was given amounted to "___ Village, South Africa. Go see John in the bar."

She was skeptical, but sent her envelope addressed to "John in the bar."

One week later, she received a confirmation of delivery. We were very impressed that the DHL agent was able to complete his mission to find a particular man in a bar on the other side of the world. The next time I need to send a package to an obscure location, I'm definitely considering the people in the yellow truck.

Happy New Year.

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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Crapper the Cat

Someone told me about a cat they own, whose nickname is "Crapper."

This is because the cat expresses its displeasure through bowel movements. Crapper has decided it's too good to eat dry cat food. If Crapper's owner doesn't get up at 4 AM in the morning to give it wet cat food, Crapper will leave doody piles in the house.

This cat knows how to use a litter box. It will actually pee in the litter box, then defiantly step outside of it to leave a solid deposit just beyond the periphery.

At first, Crapper's Owner (CO) thought she could put a plastic liner around the litter box to solve the problem. The selectively incontinent cat decided to travel a little further, and poop just outside the edge of the liner.

Then CO put a very large plastic sheet under the box, covering the entire floor.

Crapper decided to leave a landmine in the hallway.

Eventually, CO left out a bowl of dry cat food for 3 days, and the petulant feline regained its potty training . . .

. . . until CO got a boyfriend. Crapper pooped until he left.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Le Sigh

Final exams are over. My work is wrapping up. I'm going home tomorrow.


I'm packing my luggage now, but soon I will have time to disgorge pent-up stories.


Saturday, December 08, 2007

More Background Checks

Due to my recent background check for a job, I've been told some funny stories about other people's background checks:

My friend "Holly" underwent a check several years ago. During this time, her husband was working as a bartender in a strip club. A detective came to her home to interview her, then insisted on meeting her husband at his work place during active hours, despite alternative arrangements being available. Yep, he practically demanded on going to the strip club. Holly's interview lasted 15 minutes, while somehow her husband's interview lasted 1.5 hours.

Bravo Mr. Detective, you got to see strippers on government dime.


"Nate" had just started an internship at a law firm when he was contacted by an FBI agent, who wanted to talk to him about a buddy undergoing a background check. Nate wanted to make a good impression at the law firm, and was afraid of what his employers might think if the FBI came in to interrogate him.

He asked, "Um, there's a coffee shop across from my office. Can we meet there?"

The FBI agent said, "A coffee shop is not discreet enough for us. I'll call you back in 5 minutes with another location."

Several minutes later, the agent called back and said, "There's an alley."

Really. I'm serious.

The agent said, "Meet me at the alley next to the coffee shop. I'll be wearing a black trenchcoat."

It was like a bad cliché from a spy movie.

Nate thought, "Is this a joke?" but agreed to meet the agent. Sure enough, on the appointed day, at the agreed upon time, he turned the corner into an alley, and there was a woman in a black trench coat. She really was an FBI agent (albeit one who may have watched too many spy movies).

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