Snark Scribe

Not all of us can meet people of quality

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Roommate Saga Part 2

Sorry Part 2 took so long. I just started my second job.

For Part 1, read here:

At my old apartment I lived with 3 other girls. Sleazy Chick graduated in June and went back to her parents' house. The lease expired at the end of August, and we all assumed she would come back periodically to move out her things. She had lived at the apartment for 3 years, and had a vast quantity of furniture, knick-knacks, paintings, kitchenware, potted plants, etc. It looked like it would take multiple trips for her to get everything, and we weren't in a hurry (yet).

Roommates 2 and 3 were out of town for the summer, and subletted their rooms to 2 very nice girls who were visiting from France for the summer.

Since I was the only "original" roommate in town for the summer, I was in charge of collecting the rent money from everyone, and turning it into the landlord (who insisted on getting all the rent at one time, or charging everyone a late fee, regardless of whose check was missing). Roommates 2 and 3 wrote checks for July and August and left them with me. Sleazy Chick disappeared before giving me any rent money.

I left her several messages along the lines of "Can you mail me the rent? It's due in __ days."

After a while, she finally called back and said she'd bring the rent money "this weekend" when she came to pick up some of her belongings. I told her to leave it on the kitchen counter if I wasn't there, and to leave a check dated for August as well.

I came home to find she did come by, but left no checks, so I called again, with no response. After the rent was past due, she finally told me her "dad had already mailed the check directly to the landlord." Gee, couldn't you have told me earlier? You know, like during one of the 4 times I left you messages?

As annoying as all of this was, I wasn't particularly angry until I received a text message from her that said "Jack is moving into my room in August."

What? Who the hell is "Jack"? You subletted your room to some random man I've never met? And you don't even have the decency (or courage) to tell me in person, or call?

I left her multiple messages, asking her for details about Jack. Her text gave me no indication as to who he was, when he was moving in, if he was a convicted felon, etc.

Seeing as how we only had a month left on the lease at that point, I was really worried what kind of person would take the trouble to move into a place for only a month. A recent parolee? Someone who got kicked out of a halfway house?

I wasn't even sure if she had subletted to a fellow student. She dodged my calls for a week, so I started suspecting something was very wrong with Jack e.g. she had rented to a 50-year-old creep she found on Craigslist, who thought moving in and out for 30 days was worth the trouble to be around 3 college girls.

Stay tuned for Part 3: Jack Moves In

Labels: , ,

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Roommate Saga Part 1

Some of you may be aware I moved earlier this summer. There were some lingering issues I had to deal with, mainly connected to one particular roommate, Sleazy Chick. Now that certain financial issues have been resolved (and hopefully I will never have to contact her or her family again), it's time to rant about what she put us through.

This will be a multi-part series. First, let's give you some background about her.

She had a number of disgusting habits, but here are a few:
1. Regularly leaving her dishes unwashed for up to 2 weeks.
2. Clogging up the toilet and leaving to stay with her boyfriend, without calling maintenance.
3. Smoking pot with all the doors and windows closed (while the rest of us were home).
4. Being inebriated and crying so loudly for hours we couldn't sleep. (If it's 2 AM in the morning, and you need to fight with your boyfriend, do it in your car. Better yet, drive somewhere else first).
5. Having equally disgusting, drunken friends who threw up in my bathtub, used my towels (and then put the soiled items back in the cupboard).
6. Hosting a party where we ended up with paint on the wall, dirt and rocks on the carpet, used glassware mixed in with our clean dishes, and beer cans in the bathroom.
7. Buying Costco-sized packs of pregnancy tests. (I am not kidding. I found them when looking for toilet paper and was absolutely weirded out. It never occurred to me that anyone would want to, or need to, buy more than 1, or even 2, tests at a time).

No, she was not "white trash." She came from a well-to-do family, wore expensive clothes and drove a nice car. She was just one of the most appallingly inconsiderate people I've ever met.

Part 2 will set the foundation for the move-out drama.

Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, October 08, 2007

Please Don't Be This Man

My friend's roommate told me she was in a yoga class with a guy who wore a Speedo to every class.

Worse, he would blow his nose on his hand, and wipe it on his bare leg.

Labels: , ,

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Cheesecake Wars

Last night I went to a Canadian Thanksgiving dinner party. (I am not Canadian, nor do I live in Canada, but when your Canadian friend says "Turkey, eh?" who am I to say no? Especially when it's fresh turkey, not frozen).

I like bringing desserts to dinner parties, but there is someone else in the circle who makes OMG Fabulous Desserts. Mr. Cook has all potential dessert-bringers intimidated.

However, when the hostess told me Mr. Cook was bringing a "chicken dish," dessert plans were go.

I decided to make pumpkin cheesecake bars. I thought, "No one else will make pumpkin cheesecake." To make them extra special, I even made a gingersnap crust.

At the dinner, I discovered Mr. Cook brought a chicken dish and a dessert.

It was pumpkin cheesecake with a gingersnap crust. Really.

And it was better than mine.

I can salvage a bit of comfort from the fact that my crust had crushed almonds, and his did not. Plus, tonight I'm bringing pear bread to a party he's not invited to.


Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Shotgun or Bow and Arrow?

I was introduced to the mother of a classmate.

After meeting me, Mrs. Enthusiasm exclaimed, "Your English good! Easy for you to hunt a man!"

Yes, she said hunt.

She then chattered on happily, "You go to Hong Kong! You marry boss son!"

Um, thanks. That's definitely my backup plan.

Labels: , ,