Don't Mess With Mom

It's Mother's Day today, and I would like to give you a small glimpse of why growing up with my Mom was both terrifying and awesome.

Normal mothers kill crabs by boiling them.

My Mom would rip off the crab's leg, then use it to stab it to death. She would push the pointy tip of the leg through the wound she just created.

That's equivalent to a Wookie ripping off your arm and beating you to death with it.

Happy Mother's Day!

Bad Parenting 101

While visiting friends, I was in the ladies' room of a hotel lobby when an inebriated woman came in and started spilling her life story.

She complained that her 12-year-old daughter, "who doesn't have the body of a 12-year-old, you know" doesn't listen to her and couldn't be convinced to stay in their room.

Her daughter was running around the hotel with some older guys she met, and her mother had no idea where she was, exactly who she was with and what they were doing.

The woman admitted she was "drunk, and getting drunker" and seemed like she had no intention of stopping.

Gee, maybe you'd have more credibility with your daughter if you were sober?

I felt bad for the mom, but even worse for her daughter. It must be hard trying to navigate adolescence with dignity when you know your mom would rather get sloshed at the hotel bar than look after you.

Lady, if you recognize yourself here, I hope you realize something: Maybe if you got some self-respect for yourself, some of it would rub off on your kid.