Stalker Bus

Hey Guys, this is a bad way to pick up a girl:

On the bus I saw a man asking a female passenger miscellaneous questions about her life, and telling her about his. She was obviously bored, and trying to give him brief replies such as, "I guess" and "you know."

As the bus neared its destination the guy decided to take a leap. He said, "So, do you have any stalkers?" (Translation, "I could fill that gap in your life.")

She looked at him like he had tentacles sprouting out of his ears. "What?"

He clarified. "Any romantic prospects?"

She told him no and got off the bus.

Stalking Old Classmates

Final exams are over. I can return to my snarking and my new hobby: stalking my old high school classmates online.

I finally joined Myspace. I resisted for years, thinking it was full of stupid teenagers.

That hasn't changed.

However, half of my high school is on Myspace and now I can satisfy my curiosity about what they're up to without actually having to talk to them.

I think the novelty will wear off in a couple weeks, when I've found everyone, but for now I can search and gasp:

"Holy crap! She's pregnant! With her fourth child!"

"He's married . . . to a man."

"Oy, the years have not been kind to him."

I hope no one's thinking the same thing when they see my profile.