Leather Pants at 2 PM

I once ran into an acquaintance at a bus stop. He was wearing black leather pants and a mesh shirt, and his hair was spiked with a significant gob of gel. It was early in the afternoon, which seemed a little early to be decked out in club gear.

I asked him "Where are you going?"

He replied, "Job interview."

"As what?" (Male stripper? Bus boy at a gay dance club?)

He explained he was on the way to apply for a job at a "trendy" clothing store.

"Oh. That makes more sense."

I still think the outfit was overkill.

When Worlds Collide

Gilbert and Sullivan meets Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back."

Flute-playing meets beat-boxing:

Violent Kickball

I realized my high school peers liked me when they started committing acts of violence in my name.

During a kickball game a player on the other team threw the soccer ball at my legs to tag me out. I lost my balance and fell, but apparently to everyone else it looked like he threw the ball hard enough to knock me down.

Someone shouted, "He hit Snarky!"

He screamed "I didn't hit her that hard!" as an angry mob comprised of people from both my team and his started to chase him across the field.

At first I thought this was hilarious.

Then they caught up with him.

And the kicking started.

I stopped laughing and started yelling "I'm okay! Don't hurt him!" It was in vain. The class had recently taken a difficult calculus exam and they were out for blood.

Eventually they marched the poor boy back to me, covered in grass, and made him apologize.

Weakly, he said, "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Chewing my lip in horror at what had transpired, I said, "I'm okay. Are you all right?"

He gave a half-hearted "yeah" and shuffled away.

I don't think he suffered any permanent damage.

Chocolate Fix

For those of you that do not celebrate February 14 (Single Awareness Day), blessed be the day of February 15:

The Festival of Half-Priced Chocolates.

Wrinkly Tattoo

I was in the grocery store and witnessed a 60-year-old woman and a middle-aged man comparing tattoos.

In order to make her skin art comprehensible the old lady had to stretch back the sagging skin around the tattoo. Even then, it was covered with age spots and I had no idea what the design was supposed to be. On top of that, the entire tattoo was made up of blue outlines that blended in with the veins on her arm.

Yeah, maybe youthful indiscretions aren't such a good idea.

Superdull

On Sunday my friends and I half-heartedly watched the Superbowl. (Keep in mind I don't normally follow sports. I don't know who an athelete is until he gets arrested). Comments being thrown about mainly included the words "dull," "rain" and "depressing."

Then we got really bored:

"Show us a boob!"

"Wait, who's performing this year?"

"Prince."

"Oh, well, then we might still see a boob."

Petrified Meat

The next time you are about to order a fast food burger consider this:

In high school my friend left a beef burger patty outside and forgot about it. She found it one month later, hard as a rock and completely intact.

If wild animals or microbes wouldn't touch it, why would you want to eat it?